Monday, May 15, 2006

winsome and then some

Our basketball team was coached by my boss at work, and he and his wife took us all to this cool comics shop. They bought me this hugely oversized deck of playing cards with various knights and armed soldiers on the backs- die cut with swords sticking out the top,etc. I said that it was really nice but one of those things I'd probably never use, could I choose a comic instead?
They said I could. So I finally decided on a strange, foreign but awesome-looking title and ran it up to the register.
When the guy handed me back my book, I realized that I'd accidentally grabbed a leather bound, gilded edged copy of part of the Old Testament - bummer!

Also: there was a race through this intricate maze of dense framing (2-by-4s EVERYWHERE!!!) through floor after floor of a giant building under construction. when we reached the basement area, there was a hockey/soccer type game involving throwing bricks into a fireplace (complete with crackling fire). I was losing most of the earlier race but totally dominating the fire-brick game. There was also some coleslaw being thrown into the fire, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't worth as much as a brick goal.

Wednesday, May 03, 2006

He Hate Me

Satellite feed to my brain, "Wreck shop, brain!"

So, last night I loved to be a hated hero. I had just moved to this small town where the only one I knew was this diving instructor at the school. I went to visit him at the pool and he started giving me the lowdown on the town. What was cool, where to be, go, hang. You know the routine. He tells me that the soccer team needs a new player because their star got hurt and he heard that I was pretty good. I told him that I hadn't played soccer for like 8 or 9 years and he said "Good Enough." So I went to the game which was at this huge stadium and the teams were awesome and thousands of people were there. I asked the coach if they needed anyone and he put a shirt on me and I played in my jeans for the town team which was like a pro team. Well, after I scored two goals and won the game for us, one of my teammates asked my name and if I wanted to be friends. I said yes. Everyone else was so mad that I was the new hero.

So, at the town meeting in the school/church/city hall building like in Hoosiers, half the people were saying, "We have to get that Matt outta here." The other half were like, "Naw, he's alright. Just let him stay, but don't talk to him." I could tell barely anyone liked me so I said, "What do I have to do, here?" They were like, "Play in the county football championship against the Barnthugs."(I think that was the other teams name, maybe not.) It was like a pickup game in someone's back yard with real tackling like when we were kids. Except all the other team was horrible mean criminal road warrior badass type tough guy biker dudes and the game was mostly about hurting our town's team. I said, "I'll do it." (I always want everyone to like me.)

We get to the game and the other team talked so much trash and cheated and took cheap shots all the time. Half our team was injured in the first half and I suck at football. Anyway, at one point I get thrown to and catch a pass and this guy with a spiked dog collar head butts me in the nose. My nose starts gushing blood like a faucet and I start laughing. This, in turn, freaks out the mean guy who also starts laughing because he's confused. Pretty soon I'm best of buds with their whole team and making jokes and everyone is having a good time.

Friendship wins. But I think the town still hated me.

Monday, May 01, 2006

Where've You Been?

Damn, son! Where've the dreams been. Nobody cares? I've got an excuse. I hadn't had any of note for awhile. Until this weekend. Whoa!

1. Amanda as a really responsible social weed smoker.
2. Flying in a hanglider videotaping other stunt guys doing like rocketman stunts with flying squirrels and monkeys bigger than me jumping from tree to tree.
3. On the Mayflower.
4. Standing on a 2 foot wide boat dock swatting jumping pirhanas out of mid-air as they increasingly grow in size and jumping ability.
5. Lots of hiking in purple places.

I'm so mad because I had like 6 dreams each Friday and Saturday night and didn't write them down to remember. They were better than those but, you know how it is.